Aricles by Lisa Evans
Being in the Gap
The place between letting go and moving on is also a place of many questions.
Let’s call this place The Gap.
As human beings, we're inquisitive by nature and during any given day, we might ask others and ourselves hundreds of questions. We ask questions to ascertain facts (what, where, who and when) and we ask questions to further our understanding (how and why). Understandably, self-exploration can be downright excruciating at times. Despite the emotional weight that one can encounter while delving into the deep crevasses, being in The Gap offers an incredible potential for self-expression, healing and growth.
We are also usually steadfast in our ways and are terrified of making changes. The truth is...change is going to happen whether you're prepared for it (or not) or like it (or not). Usually once the changes have occurred, that’s when we can look back and see how much energy we expended and how all the worrying we did just made us miserable. However, during that in-between place, when we're going through major upheaval we need to take comfort in the questions we ask of ourselves. It's those challenging questions that often encourage us to move onto the next place we know is meant for us.
5 Reminders why being in the Gap is Good
- You'll be reminded who your friends are
The people who really care about you want the best for you even if their opinions differ from your own. Even if they don't completely understand what you're going through, they'll offer whatever they can to help you through your transition. Be okay with saying yes and thank you. Lean on them.
- You'll feel more emotionally vulnerable
You will experience a greater sense of health and wellness if you allow yourself to feel all the emotions you're feeling and let them come out rather than stifling them. There's an incredible amount of freedom that comes with expressing your feelings even during the most inappropriate of times. This is not about garnering attention, it's about allowing yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it.
- You'll ponder about life... a lot
Pondering is a good thing, but obsessing is quite another. What's the distinction between the two? Pondering allows for new insights and new possibilities to emerge. It's creative, often productive and makes for interesting conversations with others. Obsessing is pondering taken to the extreme. It is not creative and tends to cause feelings of frustration, doubt and other negative nonsense about yourself. While you're experiencing The Gap, pay close attention to the things you wonder about and trust that these new revelations will assist you in moving forward.
- You'll find unexpected answers
If you like surprises, you'll appreciate being in The Gap simply because there's a huge potential for you to experience something you've never experienced before. You might have had an inkling about those unexpected answers prior to being in The Gap, but all the new information you've acquired can be overwhelming. Be gentle with yourself and appreciate all the knowledge you gain from the time you spend in the in-between place.
- You'll grow exponentially
Even though being in The Gap can be challenging, it is a huge place for transformation to occur. During your time in The Gap, you can learn to appreciate what you've known previously and open yourself up to what's next. You have an incredible opportunity to be grateful for everything that makes up your past and be thrilled about what you can create for your future. Delight in the fact that where you are right now is exactly where you need to be and as you transform, so will others around you.
Consider life as a series of trapeze bars. As we live our lives happily swinging along on our trapeze bar, inevitably another bar will appear and we'll be encouraged to leap towards it. The challenging part is in order to experience whatever it is that that next bar will bring us, we have to let go of the current one we're swinging on and risk being in that in-between, flying-through-the-air place.
Whenever you make big changes in your life, there will always be a gap between what was and what will be. If you've ever been to a circus, you know that those trapeze artists aren't practicing for an hour and then calling it a day. Their whole act is about trusting the gap enough to take them to where they want to go (the next trapeze bar) and being okay with playing in that space.
Remember those circus performers always have a safety net. Trust that you always will too. Trust yourself enough to know that when you're in The Gap, it's a good place to be and you're that much closer to knowing who you really are and what you want.
Never Give Up
Do you remember what it felt like when you first learned to ride a bike? You were probably both scared and excited at the prospect of taking those training wheels off, learning how to balance and then biking off on your own beyond your parent’s steady grip on the bike’s rear-end or on yours. For most kids, this was a rite of passage into “I’m a big kid now” territory. It was the first of many things you would accomplish in your life. If you took some time to think about all the things you’ve already achieved, you could create quite a list. You could also create a list of things you’d still like to learn or do.
Consider for a moment how long some of those things on your list have been there, the things you haven’t done yet. Be aware of that critical word…yet! If that goal or dream of yours is still in your head, it’s still in your heart and it’s asking you to pay attention to it. Your dreams and goals will continue to remind you of what you want until you have them. Even if you keep ignoring them, they are not going to go away. The truth is…our dreams don’t give up on us. We give up on them.
No matter how big or small, whatever it is that you want you can have. One of the things we become most disillusioned with when it comes to achieving our dreams is time. We’re a quick-fix, instantaneous, want-it-right-now kind of society. Just because we want something bad enough doesn’t necessarily mean we get to have it in the timeframe we want it. As with all things in life, there is an art of learning how to balance what we have with what we want.
The only way you’re going to make your dreams real is by taking action towards having them. However, you must be clear that whatever it is you desire is truly something you want and you’re ready to have it in your life. Here are a few things to consider when you want to gauge how strong your desire is to make a dream of yours a reality:
5 Ways to Feel the Dream is Real
- It lives in the present. It’s never far from your thoughts. Even though you may not know exactly when this dream of yours will come true, rarely a day goes by that you don’t think about it.
- It’s been persistent over time. When you can’t recall how long you’ve had a dream, that’s a sure sign it’s for real. The dreams that are most important to you will always find a way to stick around until you do something about them.
- It’s something you’re passionate about. There’s no doubt in your mind that you love your dream. It excites and delights you and you really light up whenever you share it with others.
- It serves a purpose. It may be true that our dreams are about securing our own happiness, but if you take deeper look, there are many more reasons why this dream is meant to happen for you and for others.
- It has a powerful effect on your whenever you think about it. You feel strong emotions course through your body and the physical expression of those emotions may appear through laughter or tears. The effect often moves you to take action.
Whatever your dreams are…whether it’s creating a new business, finding the right partner, traveling to a foreign country, writing a book, etc…never give up on having them. Let your dream speak to you. Let it inspire you to take action towards having it become real in your life. Let it touch you deeply and remind you that if you had the power to think it up, you also have the power to make it come true.